As a professional relationship coach, I often hear the question: How often should we be having sex? The truth? There’s no universal “magic number.” What truly matters is whether your intimate moments are fulfilling and mutually satisfying.
Studies consistently show that the quality of sexual experiences is more important than their frequency when it comes to relationship satisfaction. For example, research from 2023 highlights that while sexual satisfaction correlates with relationship happiness, how often couples have sex plays a smaller role.
Feeling emotionally connected and understanding each other’s needs takes precedence over simply counting encounters
Today’s media bombards us with portrayals of what sex should look like. From steamy movie scenes to Instagram influencers promoting unattainable ideals, the pressure to perform a certain way can be overwhelming.
The problem?
These portrayals rarely reflect real relationships.
Instead of mimicking what you see on screen or online, focus on discovering what feels authentic and enjoyable to you and your partner.
Recent studies emphasise that intimacy in relationships thrives on communication, mutual respect, and keeping an open mind. Sexual satisfaction stems from understanding your partner’s preferences, prioritising their happiness alongside yours, and fostering emotional intimacy. In fact the reality is you have to communicate intimately with your partner in order to know what they are curious about.
This means knowing how to talk to and listen to each other!
Curiosity is always key!
Ask more questions, and definitely do not make any assumptions when it comes to intimacy!
Honour each other by being present as an adult, knowing that these conversations can often feel uncomfortable.
So, when you wonder if you’re doing it “enough,” ask instead: Are we feeling a closeness, are we connected, and are we both satisfied?
The key is to find your own rhythm, not conform to someone else’s.
This question is a constant from my clients and I tell them they need to start by being willing to learn how to speak and listen to each other and get curious about what they truly think and feel. I also say it might take time but it is definitely possible if two people are willing to add in new behaviours and let the old ways, that are not working, drop away.
Learn more
It might be helpful to check how much pleasure you, as a female-identified human, are bringing into your space with your male partner, as nourishment and aliveness are wonderful currency for a sustainable relationship
Learn more
Most of us have not been taught how to have pleasurable sexual experiences with each other, let alone speak confidently in detail about our needs. It is a bonus if it makes sense to both humans. Even if it feels uncomfortable and awkward, a couple can feel more deeply connected when they hear their partner voice their feelings openly.
Learn more
.jpg)
.jpg)
.jpg)
