Learn to create intimacy with your partner by holding loving space and not interrupting!

This is because if you want more intimacy in your relationship, Holding space for your partner when they are speaking creates connection and connection leads to a sense of safety which ultimately deepens intimacy between you

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Connection is a human need and this can be physically, mentally or emotionally

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Humans connect often by speaking to each other, letting each other know what is happening in their lives, wanting to share with a loved one, or even conversing about something that feels important to the person.  Often in a relationship there may not be agreement on a particular subject.   This is where it is super helpful to be able to listen to your partner.  You do not have to agree.   By keeping an open mind you grow to understand your partner at a deeper level.

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When humans feel seen, heard and understood by their partner this creates safety to share more of themselves and leads to the sensual intimacy you both desire

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Do you notice when you are speaking, can you tell if your partner is really listening to you or not?  Or do you feel that he or she has ‘left the building’ as it were?  In other words they are thinking about something else!   It is a fact that the attention span of humans these days has definitely decreased.   The average attention span is said to be 8.25 seconds.  A goldfish is only 5 seconds! 

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Of course humans can hold concentration for longer but it depends on the content of what they are focussing on.   Eg   listening to my partner talk about something I have no interest in versus watching something on social media that I am very interested in!

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So if you want to increase intimacy with your partner try this fun playful experiment to let each other know how it feels to be heard in a few different ways

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Use a timer for 2 minutes

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Take turns to talk about your day in great depth ie what happened and how it made you feel

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When holding space for your partner try the following five steps (remember it is meant to be light and fun so you can learn about each other)  -

1. Your partner will start sharing about their day, you will start randomly talking about yourself in short bursts - do this for 2 minutes then stop and thank each other
2. Your partner will continue sharing about their day, you will now interject with what they should be doing and how you think they should do it -  do this for 2 minutes then stop and thank each other
3. Your partner will continue sharing about their day, you will now let them know you think they are wrong and say those words out loud from time to time - do this for 2 minutes then stop and thank each other  (REMEMBER this is fun and meant to be light hearted so remember to BREATHE!!)
4. This time as your partner is sharing about their day, you will now think to yourself, as they are speaking, I need to change this person, I cannot wait to tell them what I think they could have done or felt as soon as they stop talking - do this for 2 minutes then stop and thank each other
5. And finally this time as your partner is sharing about their day, you will now decide you are going to hold space for my partner to fully express themselves to be open and honest about how they are truly feeling and you truly desire this for them.

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Always say Thank You to each other then you might like to take time to share how it felt to each of you

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Then swap the sharing and interrupting/holding space practice and let your partner have a turn

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Once you have both experienced how this practice felt -

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Check in with each other how Holding Space for each other when in discussion might affect your relationship and how it also might change your relationship

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KEY is practice practice practice

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You cannot get any of this wrong - it is more for your mind and body to feel what it feels, have a laugh, notice what your current pattern has been and what you might prefer to create connection

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It helps to create more Curiosity about your partner if you are present and listening

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Once a human feels seen, heard and witnessed, nervous systems settle, connection is made and ultimately intimacy feels safer and easier to move towards

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Let me know if you have any questions at all as I am happy to answer!

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