Do you have a ‘reactive’ communication style?

You might be stuck in a relationship pattern that might feel  like a ‘no win’ for either of you

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Are you worrying daily about many things, or picking fights with your partner or even avoiding them altogether?

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Perhaps you could ask yourself what is this really about?

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Avoidance and irritation are often the first sign of uh oh something really important is brewing or has probably been on my mind for a while, but as usual I am hoping it might improve on its own!

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Are you struggling to speak to your partner about something that feels so important to you but you are worried it is going to end up in the usual argument and right now you just do not have the capacity to deal with this?

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This is letting you know you may need to brush up on your speaking and listening skills.

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Did you know that you are probably stuck in a pattern that that is clearly a reactive style of communicating?

You know how it goes….. You say something, your partner then reacts and starts to justify their why or turns whatever it is you are discussing, back on you and you then have a reaction and so it goes around and around like this, until you are almost about to self combust.   And the sad part is there is no good outcome.  In fact the more you stay in this pattern, it will just be sucking any goodness and kindness towards each other out of your relationship.     

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If this is you and your relationship, I am genuinely so sad to hear you are stuck in this pattern!  

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When it is your significant other, the person you love, the person you chose to live your life with and even make a family with, then this is important information!

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You both need to learn how to ‘hold space’ for your partner

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This entails creating a time to talk and listen in a way that you both feel safe enough to share.

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Start by asking “when is a good time?”

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Take time to check in with each other and how you are both feeling

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Choose what you want to talk about and then create a container where you are going to take turns to speak and lovingly listen and let the other person speak and not interrupt.

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I find taking turns is the best way to have a conversation, and agree to pause and breathe for three breaths together before each of you take your turn to speak, can really help avoid you ‘reacting’ with each other.

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It is a practice that when done regularly can definitely help the argument cycle settle down.

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